From the Actrix Online Informer December 2011

Fun but probably useless Christmas presents

by Rob Zorn

Okay, December is upon us and we're all beginning to feel that pressing need to find presents for our loved ones that are a little bit unique. Whether that's you or not, I suspect you'll find this article to be of virtually no help whatsoever.

Once again we've scoured the net to find the most interesting or unique present possibilities. We've done that because it's funny to see some of the new products ingenious inventors have come up with, but it would surprise us very much if any readers actually bought any of them. Except for that wand-thing, which I kinda like...

Kymera magic wand

The Kymera magic wand can control most of the electrical devices in your house by learning from your existing remotes. The really cool thing is that it uses few buttons. You can turn things on and off by flicking the wand up and down, and control volume by just turning it clockwise or anti-clockwise, etc. It can do lots more, too.

Warning: if you order one of these you'll probably end up annoying the heck out of your loved ones or flatmates by being too busy casting remote controlled spells and turning things on and off to actually watch anything on TV.

There are videos all over YouTube showing how this things works and it comes with a booklet of professional wizard wand movement techniques.

Order via Amazon.

Heath potion bottle necklace

Love being a gamer? Tell the world! This necklace is hand-sculpted from polymer clay in the shape of a health potion – a staple of many video games. There is a tattoo-style banner across the front that says, "GAMER."

The potion bottle is painted in acrylics and the cork given texture and depth inside the bottle, while still having an 8-bit look. The charm is coated in a clear, shiny glaze and hangs from a silver-plated, soldered-link chain with a pinch clasp.

Order via Much Needed Merch.

Custom-crocheted/knit beard hat

This lumberjack hat will keep you warm in a super fun way! The hat itself is crocheted and the beard and moustache are knit. All of the hat is made with 100% acrylic yarns, and no beards are actually harmed in the making of them.

The hats are custom-made to your desire and can be ordered in any colour, but the beard is only available in brown, black, red (orange-brown), blonde (yellow). One size will fit most adults.

Order via Warmest Wishes 2 You.

Octopus creature cup

"Creeping around in the bottom of your cup, the octopus is up to no good. He'll be a little startled if you catch him, and who knows what he's doing if you don't. As you drink the Octopus will emerge."

Cups are handmade, dishwasher safe and microwavable. They'd provide hours of endless fun startling your coffee-drinking mates, or just serving as an interesting conversation starter. Your friends will be dying to know why you actually purchased them.

Order via Creature Cups.

Zombie brand brains soup

Anyone who watches TV knows the zombie apocalypse is coming one day. But are you prepared? If a zombie knocks on your door wanting to eat your brain, you may be able to negotiate a better deal by offering him or her some "Zombie Brains Soup".

The ingredient list includes: water, frontal lobe, parietal lobe, various other lobes, cerebellum, thalmus and frontmarginal gyrus – among other things.

Disclaimer: As the vendors have not yet been authorised to sell canned human brains, they are offering the packages as a fun money box so you can start saving for when you need the real deal.

Order via Meninos.

Ten ton lampshade

Every ageing roadrunner fan needs one of these. This lampshade looks like it's been ordered from Acme, and come right out of Wile E Coyote's accessory kit.

Parents ordering one of these should be prepared for debates with their children about why the old Bugs Bunny and Roadrunner cartoons were so much better than whatever incomprehensible nonsense animators seem to be dishing up nowadays.

Order via Meninos.

The Death Bar

Geeky-clean provides epic hygiene for the common gamer! Their slogan is nerd soap made by a nerd for nerds.

Now fans and supporters of the Empire can strike back by washing the stink of rebel scum off their hands with a Death Bar soap! It smells just like the "Dark Side Cookies" Mama Palpatine used to make. Weighing in at 2 oz, it's a perfect addition to your bathroom counter.

No Alderaanians were harmed in the making of this product.

Order via Geeky-clean.

Marshmallow shooter

This clever pump-action device shoots sweet, edible miniature marshmallows more 10 metres. The easy-to-refill magazine holds 25 marshmallows (or foam pellets, not included) for fast, nonstop action. The barrel and magazine are top-rack dishwasher safe.

The product comes with a small parts choking warning, and we also suggest purchasers do not attempt to catch flying marshmallows in their mouths. Remember, it's only fun until someone gets a marshmallow in their eye.

Order via Hammacher Schlemmer.

Vertical turntable

This turntable mounts to a wall, playing records vertically. Ideal for limited space, it secures records to its platter with a locking mechanism for smooth, uninterrupted play. The turntable uses a two-speed belt drive to spin 33 1/3- or 45-speed LPs while the ruby-tipped stylus picks up the nuances of vinyl recordings. Two built-in 5-watt speakers with volume control produces clear sound. As it runs on four included AA batteries, it can be placed anywhere on any wall or horizontal surface without the need for a power outlet.

Order via Hammacher Schlemmer.

Sudoku cube

After the phenomenon of the Sudoku puzzle comes the Sudoku cube. Because we all know someone (else) who is a Sudoku nut, this might be one of the few things here you'd actually want to buy.

Based on the Rubik's cube the Sudoku cube is made of numbers instead of colours. This makes a demanding challenge that even the best Sudoku player will need extra skill to solve. It's perfect for fans of Sudoku who can continue playing the game, just in a different format.

Order via I Want One of Those.

Dr Who: Dalek projection alarm clock

The Zeon Dr Who Dalek-shaped projection alarm projects the time onto any surface.

It also features the Daleks' famous, 'Exterminate', 'Hover' and 'Gun' as sound effects. Base and time display glows blue and speech indicators flash white.

If you were a Dr Who fan as a kid, this thing just might scare you awake!

Order via I Want One of Those.

After curry wipes

We all know someone who likes to dabble in the world of the volcanic vindaloo or the red hot rogan josh, but the next day... That's where the 'Ring of Fire' soothing curry wipes come in particularly handy.

You get 40 large moisturising wet wipes in a convenient re-sealable tube that will douse even the most savage after-curry flames! After Curry Wipes are great gift for those that like it hot, but can't always handle the revenge! Heaven help you if you've eaten more than 40 curries!

Order via Present Finder.

Daily office dares

The Daily office dares pad is something that will liven up the office, a pad of 365 hilarious office pranks and dares for you to try out on your colleagues.

It has a range of dares from wild and wacky to something a little more subtle to keep you and your colleagues entertained, one for each day of the year. Once you've done the dastardly dare, tear it out and get ready for the next one!

This little pad would make a perfect stocking filler gift, or it could just be something to read while you wait in line down at the unemployment centre.

Order via Present Finder.



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